Have you ever finished a book? That is, do you really finish it, from start to finish? Observe yourself. You take a deep breath and you sit there. You hold the book with both hands and the head looks down. You look at the cover, the back cover or the wall in front of you.
But in case you get it and have read more than once, you can feel grateful, thoughtful as if a piece of you had won and another lost. You just experienced something deep, something intimate (erotic, maybe?) You had an intense metamorphosis and a little fleeting.
It's the same as when you fall in love with a stranger you know you'll never see again: you suffer from the longing and sadness of something that ended, but at the same time, you feel satisfied; complete by experience, connection and wealth that occurs after knowing another soul. You feel fed, even if only for a while.
This type of reading, according to the magazine Time, it's called deep reading, a practice that will soon disappear, because now people are being more superficial and reading less.
Readers, like those who used to write letters, are an endangered species.
The worst part of this is that it has been shown that readers are kinder and smarter than the average human being, and maybe they are the only people worth falling for in this superficial world.
According to two studies conducted in 2006 and 2009 by Raymond Mar, a psychologist at York University in Canada, and Keith Oatley, professor of cognitive psychology at the University of Toronto, those who read fiction have a better theory of mind, which is the intuitive ability to understand one's own mind and mental states, including opinions, beliefs and interests other than one's own.
These readers can consider other ideas without rejecting them and still keep theirs. While this is supposed to be a characteristic of all human beings, it requires different levels of social experiences. This is probably the reason why your ex was narcissistic. Do you see what you saw with a book? Have you ever talked about books? If it was not, maybe you should consider changing the type of people you relate to romantically.
It is no surprise that readers are better people when they have experienced someone else's life through their eyes, they have learned what it is to get out of their bodies and see the world from a different perspective.
They have access to hundreds of souls and have the collective wisdom of all of them. You have seen things you will never understand, and have experienced the death of people you will never know. They have learned what it is to be a woman and a man. They know what it feels like to suffer someone. They are wise, beyond their years.
Another study conducted in 2010 by Mar reinforces this idea, with results that show that the more stories children have been read, the more they develop their theory of mind (ToM, in English). Thus, while everyone believes that their children are the best, what they read are really more adaptable, more understanding and more intelligent children.
Reading is something that molds you and adds to your character. Each triumph, lesson and crucial moment of the protagonist, also becomes yours. Every pain, every pain and harsh reality, becomes something difficult to bear for you. You have traveled with authors and experienced different emotions through your writing. You have lived a thousand lives and learned from each of them as a reader.
If you are still in search of your other half, that person who fills the void in your lonely heart, then look for these people who are about to disappear. You will find them in a cafe, in bookstores and parks. You will see them with backpacks or large bags. He will be curious and emotional: you will recognize him in the first minutes of the conversation.
He will definitely talk to you
He will write you letters and messages in verse. It is detailed, but not in an unpleasant way. He does not limit himself to answering questions and giving statements, but he counterattacks with deep thoughts and theories. It will captivate you with your knowledge of words and ideas.
According to the study, what does reading do to the mind? From Anne E. Cunningham of the University of California at Berkeley, reading gives us a vocabulary lesson that children could never learn at school.
Do yourself a favor and go out with someone who really knows how to use the language.
He will not only listen to you, he will understand you
You just have to fall in love with someone who can see your soul, get inside and know your most intimate secrets, those that nobody else has been able to find. It must be someone who not only knows you, but who understands you completely.
According to the psychologist David Comer Kidd: What great writers do is to become a writer.In literary fiction, the incomplete character of the characters, somehow trains your mind to try to understand the minds of others. This is proven again and again with the people who read the most. Their ability to connect with the characters they have not met makes understanding the people around them much easier.
They are not only smart. They are wise.
Being too smart can be unpleasant, but being wise is exciting. There is something irresistible in someone from whom you can learn. Falling in love with a reader not only improves the conversation, but the level of it.
According to Cunningham, readers are smarter because of the increase in their vocabulary and the expansion of their memory, along with their ability to detect patterns. They have superior skills than non-readers and can communicate in a better and more effective way.
Finding someone who reads is like going out with thousands of souls. You will be gaining the experience they have gained from everything they have read and the wisdom of those experiences. It's like going out with a teacher, a romantic and an explorer at the same time!
If you go out with someone who reads, then you will also live a thousand different lives.