When it comes to sharing a house or apartment with another person, we all want to have the ideal partner: someone to wash their dishes, not to throw dirty clothes on the floor, help with chores and debts, not to play music at full volume at two in the morning Normal, right? Well, somewhere in London someone became VERY demanding with a series of absurd rules that even Sheldon Cooper could not follow at face value.
Everything started very well. She said that she had already had bad experiences with other colleagues and for that reason she preferred to establish some rules to avoid everyone the inconvenience of a move that in the end would not work. This is understandable, but what followed was a series of rules that will convince you that living with your parents is not so bad after all.
1. You will live here, but in reality you will not live here
I need you to be out of the department during the week and during the normal work / school time (from 9 to 5), because I work from home five days a week and I need to have the place for myself. If you have a good job this should not be a problem, but if you are a student without a regular schedule, you can not live here. I'm not demanding on weekends, I just want to know what you have where to spend your time from Monday to Friday from morning to afternoon.
2. You must be quiet and shy
My new roommate must be silent and considerate. This means that you should turn the handles to close the doors instead of just pushing them, you should try to behave quietly, especially early in the morning or very late at night. I do not want a companion that looks like a crazed bull in a glass shop. And I hope that if you bring guests they will be just as silent.
3. But not so quiet and shy
This is not a very sociable house. We do not have parties and we do not really have time to cook or watch television together because everyone has different schedules and we are busy. But I hope the new partner is friendly. You can be shy or introverted but how are you? or get someone to talk shows good manners. If it is too much for you or you can not even learn the name of those who live with you, you are not the right person to live here.
4. If you need to communicate send messenger pigeons or smoke signals
I had a roommate who spoke on Skype 2 or 3 hours a day (5 hours on weekends). I will not tolerate that. This is a quiet building and I usually read or watch television in the afternoon and the other classmate has to study, so I do not want to hear noises coming from your room, it does not matter if you speak quietly. If you have to talk to someone, just do it, but I prefer people who do not talk on the phone. If you do not use the phone but listen to podcasts for hours, it's the same. If you watch movies or listen to music without headphones, it's still the same. If you laugh very hard after 11 p.m. or you sleep with the radio on, it is also the same. Basically what I want is for you to use your common sense: you are living with more people who want to rest and sleep in peace after a tired and noisy day.
5. You must be someone busy because I do not want you in the house
I want my new partner to be someone who has friends, who goes out to places, who goes to the gym, etc. If you spend your free time at home, watching TV and talking on the phone, I simply will not like you. When I'm not busy with my part-time job, my life revolves around my laptop because I also work from home; As you can see, I am a very busy person. But I do not want my new partner to assume that if I spend time here, it's okay for him to do the same. That is why DEFINITIVELY you must have a full-time job and do something interesting with your life (that would help to have something to talk about when we come across).
6. Nothing to go to the bathroom
If you go to the bathroom 15 times a day or every 15 minutes, do not move here. If you say that you do not need a lot of time in the bathroom because you shower quickly but take an eternity when it comes to your needs (like the companion we just ran) and last an hour locked in the bathroom in the morning, this is definitely not It is the place for you. If all you eat are beans and you drink beer, you're not my kind of partner. I need someone sophisticated. In the mornings I want you to hurry up with your routine in the bathroom, nobody will wait half an hour or early morning just to take a shower, nor do I want you to be making noise at 6 in the morning as if it were in the afternoon. I prefer that people get up on time, get ready quickly and leave.
7. You are only allowed to cook sandwiches
You can not cook before 8:30 a.m. or after 11 p.m. It may sometimes allow it and you can make oatmeal or use the microwave, but NOT something that requires frying pans, washing many dishes and much less something that smells.If you are a sensible person you will prepare your meals a day before. In general I do not like people who use a lot of time to cook and if you only prepare food because you do not know how to make a damn sandwich and spend a lot of time in the kitchen or on weekends cooking elaborately or baking, etc., this It is not the place for you.
8. If you invite friends, they must pay rent
Regarding the guests: I do not want to run into your friends all the time. If you invite people, say three times a week, it's too much. If you have guests who need to spend the weekend here, it's fine, as long as it's not followed (and, of course, this depends on what kind of people they are). Beyond that there are thousands of places in London to socialize. Boyfriends and girlfriends are allowed as long as they do not stay all the time because that is, in theory, another tenant who should be paying rent. If you need to see your partner very often, then move in with her, not with us.
9. If you tolerate me, it's a deal
If you agree with everything said, we will not have any problem. I am very easy to deal with and my motto is live and let live. If you follow my rules to the letter, you will love living here.
10. And obviously Twitter took it with humor
11. Cancel it, it's for your good
12. Logic level: as I do not know how to make a lunch I prepare better food gourmet
13. Direct to the point