When two people who already have children from previous couples join their lives, family dynamics can be complicated because everyone has to adapt to others to live in harmony.
For the writer Rachel Sobel it is very simple: there are not two separate families but one that has been fused. That is why she is tired of some people referring to their daughters as half sisters only because they are of different parents. Fed up with this situation, she wrote a letter to make people understand that her daughters are sisters, that they love each other and can not live without one another.
Divorce and mixing two families comes with a new level of discomfort. It is a confused and incomprehensible dynamic for those who do not live it. Some people are kind, others are horrible and others are metiches. I'm an adult and I can handle it. I have endured it for years. But I will not tolerate when someone makes my daughters feel bad about our dynamics. There are people who all the time want to label the relationship between my girls.
You see, after my divorce I remarried and had another daughter. I share the custody of my eldest daughter with her father and sometimes she stays with him, but my daughters are so close that they adore each other as if they spent all day together. The difference of eight years between both worried me at the beginning, but it was my own insecurities and neuroses. They are the best sisters and they love each other just as I love them. Anyway, there are people who think it is necessary to remind my oldest daughter that the baby is her half sister. Although that term is the correct one to refer to kinship, it changes the meaning of their relationship. It even feels contemptuous.
Every time the half sister expression emanates from someone's mouth, my oldest daughter gets upset. He asks me why people keep saying that and what they want to say; Then she tries to figure out how she should feel about her sister. It is annoying, exasperating and, frankly, evil. Why do you feel that you can come and question the connection of people?
We do not use the term half sister because my girls are not half of anything. They are complete sisters who love each other with all their hearts. They play, they fight and they love each other like sisters. Of course they do not have the same dad, but that is not under their control and does not have any weight in their relationship either. They assumed the role of sisters naturally, so why do others have such difficulty accepting it?
My daughters are sisters. Point. They do not need people who are all the time pointing out the complexities of their genetics. Mothers like me work hard every day to facilitate healthy and strong relationships between our families. So when others try to break that they are belittling the circumstances in which our children came into the world. So, please, think twice before saying something about the dynamics of other people, because at the end of the day we are a normal family, like yours.