9 Things you'll learn after your mom dies


The scars are a testament to the wounds that were once there, they are proof of survival. I do not mean those we carry as a physical brand, but those emotionally and mentally engraved on the skin as an embroidery of fragmented memories and moments that we can barely remember. They are like medals of honor and dishonor, forever.

Well, there will be a moment in life when you suffer a wound like no other, that devastates everything in its path. That day your heart and your being will be shattered, without the hope that one day the pieces will come together again. It will be the day you lose your mother.

The loss of someone so important, who during your life inspired and influenced you, is an experience that no textbook or novel could help you understand. As time goes by, you will be able to cross that bridge of pain left by your departure, you will discover how to survive and you will learn life lessons like these.

1. The world does not stop for you

There will be days when you still feel defeated, but life is not like a videogame in which you can pause at a certain moment or have an infinite number of lives. You only have one, and the world goes on, even though you feel that yours has stopped. The only way to heal you is to keep going and keep moving.

2. Your problems will not always be in the minds of people

When you are fighting your own internal battles, it will seem unreal that no one else notices the storm that you carry within you. You will feel as if you are screaming through the bars of life, but even so, nobody listens to you.

When you face the hard experience of losing your mother and we know that there will be other equally terrible losses for you, you will learn that people will move on. Sympathy is fleeting when it is not you who have a broken wing, and that is part of human life.

3. Love knows no boundaries

Maybe now you are afraid to distance yourself from the people you love, because you know that distance is an obstacle to any relationship, and that somehow not being physically close could fade feelings. But unconditional love knows no boundaries. It will never be lost, no matter the distance or the time.

When your mother is no longer with you, you will realize that the love you feel for her remains even without his presence.

4. Although people can not be replaced, you will find peace

Trying to justify death can keep you in a cycle from which it is difficult to leave. No amount of pleading, anger, crying and pain can give you solution to how bad you feel. Your mother and any other person whom you love can not be replaced. Recovering from your loss can take years of your life; however, little by little you will find peace within you.

5. There is strength in perception: changing it will get you ahead

You can spend years wondering why the world chose you to carry that misfortune, or you can raise your head and see the pain around you. Someone else could be willing to give everything to have the good things that you overlook in your own life.

When sadness and despair want to lock you up, redirect your thoughts to another place, to another situation. A different perspective will make you closer to reconciliation.

6. You have to thank the things that life gives you

The happiest people are those who value what they have and manage to focus on that instead of lamenting what they lack. How can you appreciate the good without the bad? If you have lost a loved one, take a moment to appreciate everything that is still with you, no matter how big or small.

7. You still have control over your life

Understanding that you have control over your emotions and your actions is the first step to overcoming any obstacle. Maybe you can not change everything that happens to you in life, but you can change your way of reacting and behaving in difficult situations. The direction you take, after the death of your mother, only you can choose it.

8. Adversity is not a pretext to surrender

Faced with the loss of a loved one, you will learn that all you have left is to concentrate on your motivations, dreams and goals. This will not only help you to move forward and not to remain anchored in the past, but also to purify your thoughts.

In the end, when you surpass all the tests that life puts on you, you can look back to see the strength in your pain. You can rarely recover what you lost, but you still have much to gain.

9. It's never really a goodbye, but a see you later

In your heart you will know that your mother will never leave, even when you have aged. Somehow, she will always be there.So it will not be a goodbye, but a see you later; until next time.

What To Say (and Not Say) When Someone Dies or Suffers a Tragedy (January 2021)