Sometimes we can feel so confident with our partner that we say things without thinking about the consequences: be careful before making comments with which you can hurt the people you love the most.
Judy Ford, psychotherapist and author of Every Day Love. The Delicate Art of Caring for Each Other (Love every day, the delicate art of worrying about the other) says in his book that speaking with kindness is a skill that couples have to learn. Everyone feels mistreated by life and the outside world. You should not feel that way in your house.
Therefore, we share 7 phrases you should avoid in your relationship:
1. You are like your mother
The comparison with any relative, especially someone you do not like at all, is uncomfortable and offensive. In addition, according to Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, lecturer and author of The Pathway to Love, highlights the worst features of the family.
You must avoid the insult and make a reasonable request, for example, if he usually leaves dirty dishes (like someone in his family), you could use a phrase like: Love, when you have finished your meal, can you wash your plate? .
2. When will you find another job?
First, make sure you are okay with yourself before judging your partner. Judy Ford says: One part of how a man evaluates himself is how well he can take care of his family. In this sense, recriminate your work is a way to doubt your ability.
A man, on the other hand, can ask things like: If you do not like it, why do not you give up? , and equally question your partner.
Talk frequently about employment issues, as well as the professional ambitions of both. It is an opportunity to talk about their lifestyle and how they want to live.
3. My mom warned me that you were going to do this to me
Do not allow in any way that the opinions of third parties influence your relationship, in this case, relatives, and make vain comments like this one. Much less you must shout at your partner in the face. You chose it (or chose it), nobody else. Take charge
4. Leave it, I better do it
Is your partner's efforts really below yours? according to Ford, it is pernicious for the couple's relationship, because the performance of the other is humiliated.
If this situation occurs frequently, your partner will think it is useless or useless to perform different activities. The best thing in this case, is that if the person is doing a bad activity, offer help, explaining how it is done, or correct it if it is wrong, but do not do it yourself.
5. You always / You never
These are phrases that the mind immediately interprets in a negative tone, and therefore, the communication ends, because it puts the other person on the defensive.
According to Ford, these claims make the other person feel attacked. Go straight to the main point of the problem and do not generalize. If the situation is constantly present, you need to talk to your partner and let him know how you feel and if he is willing to change that attitude. If you ask for things with kindness even more in a couple, if it is with love, the other person will surely take it into account.
6. I think that clothing does not favor you
Do you really think it's appropriate to say this to your partner? Such a comment can be interpreted as an insult, and it affects your self-esteem. If you want to show interest in your appearance, it is best to point out the good. If you decide that pointing out something about your appearance is important, try to say things in a natural way, without being rude.
7. Mmmm, will you go out with them again?
It is terrible to criticize the friendships of your partner, although you are not forced to pretend that they like you or even worse, love them. Your partner has the right to choose their friends freely without asking for authorization from anyone. Everyone freely chooses their friendships. The fact of being married or living together does not prevent having separate activities; everyone must have their space and it must be respected.
The balance is achieved by forming friendships in common with which both can share outputs and activities.