6 myths that CHALLENGE the idea about ADOPTING older children

In every country in the world there are hundreds of children waiting for a family that wants to adopt them. Unfortunately, there are many myths about the adoption process that prevent the number of candidate parents from increasing, especially when it comes to older children.

Those children and adolescents who are usually in child shelters or shelters, are there not because they are criminals or simply do not have a place to stay but because they have lived difficult family situations. Perhaps they were mistreated, children of addicted parents, or suffered from neglect, and what they need most is a permanent home where they can be helped and cared for.

Experts in adoption processes, as well as families who have chosen to adopt an older child instead of a baby, have explained 6 myths on the subject.

1. When you adopt once, they will want you to adopt a second

Some people say, without proof, that if you decide to adopt a child, the system will insist you until you adopt another. Rita Soronen, director and president of the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption explains that, on the contrary, most agencies take precautionary measures and avoid overwhelming new adoptive parents or placing children in homes where they will not receive the care they need.

For her part, Gianna Dahlia, executive director of Together We Rise, assures that this decision is only of the adoptive parents, in terms of what they are capable of handling.

The only exception is in the case of siblings, who are sought, if possible, to keep together.

One thousand 103 days in a foster home. Today we have become a family forever. June 16, 2015.

2. All children in shelters have health or behavioral problems that make it difficult to raise them

Only one third of children in foster homes have some type of disability, according to the organization Childrens Rights.

Many children are classified as having special needs, but not for the reasons one might imagine: the term refers only to the fact that it is more difficult for a child to find a home because he or she is older or a member of a sibling group. .

One thousand 838 days in a foster home and today, April 24, 2015, we were adopted. We have found our family forever.

3. It is more expensive than adopting abroad

People believe that because it is expensive to adopt internationally or through a private agency, adopting from a shelter or foster home will be equally expensive, but this is not the case Rita Soronen reports. Virtually nothing costs. In fact, the average cost of an adoption in the United States is less than $ 2,500, and the State covers the same amount. Families can even receive financial help for the education of their adopted child. [This, of course, varies according to the country, but we are talking about houses supported with Government resources]

I was in a foster home for 924 days but today I was adopted!

4. It's not worth the risk of saying goodbye

As with any form of adoption or any method to become a parent, there are no guarantees. Some worry about the emotional cost of raising an adopted child and losing it to a relative months or years later.

Kristina, Jasper's adoptive mother, acknowledges that for a while she felt as if she should protect her heart, just in case. Actually, he says, once a child is adopted, it's as if he was born of you.

The reward is by far, greater than the risk, adds Dan, also the adoptive father of a child.

For 722 days I have shared her love and her home, just as today I share her last name.

5. You have to interact with the biological parents or their relatives

No adoptive family has to relate to the biological family Sorensen explains. Once you become your adoptive family, you make legal decisions for your child. She recommends being in contact with the biological family, but insists that each situation is different.

Indeed, it is a decision of the adoptive parents, and often, of their son or daughter who decides to be in contact with the members of their family of origin or not.

6. If you adopt someone older instead of a baby, it never feels like yours

That is totally wrong. There is no reason to think that adopting an older child or a teenager (whether he is nine or sixteen) is not worth it, argues Sorensen.

There is, for example, the case of Breanna Shaw, 17, who was adopted by Diana and Fred Shaw. She remembers how anxious she was about adoption after living in different homes.I knew that they loved me and yet, there is always that little voice that says: Will you love me enough? For their part, the Shaw asked themselves: Will we be enough for her? Can we be able to help her heal? Breanna has told Today who currently feels at home. Completely .

One thousand 902 days in foster homes, and today, May 11, 2015, I have been adopted.

LGBT Adoption: Redefining Family (January 2021)