When a couple makes the decision to marry, it promises that they will be together in good and evil, in health and illness, in wealth and poverty; but many forget these vows and everything becomes cloudy. Unfortunately, many couples do not survive those hard blows and decide to separate.
Sometimes it is necessary for someone to remind them of all the love that was between them to renew the relationship. This was the case of Gerald Rogers, a man who lost the love of his life because he did not value it at the right time and aware of this, he wrote some tips that can inspire couples who are going through difficult times.
Obviously I am not a relationship expert, but there are things that divorce has taught me and that I would like to have done differently. After losing the woman I loved and 16 years of marriage, these are the tips that I would have liked to give me.
1. Never stop courting her, or quit dating
Never ever think that it is yours. When you asked him to marry you, you promised him that you would be the man who would win his heart and protect him from anything. This is the most important and sacred treasure that will be entrusted to you. She chose you. Never forget that, do not become an apathetic person in your relationship.
2. Protect your own heart
Just as you committed to being the protector of your heart, you must take care of yours with the same attention. Love yourself completely, love everyone without prejudice, but always have a space where nobody can enter, except your partner. Keep that place ready to receive and invite and reject anyone or whatever you want to enter.
3. Fall in love again and again
You will be constantly changing. You are not the same person you were the day you got married and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. The change will come and at that moment they will have to be chosen again every day. She does not have to be with you and if you do not take care of her heart, she can give it to someone else and get away from you forever, and you may never be able to get her back. He always fights to win his love, just like you did when they met.
4. Always see the best in it
Focus on what you love about her and everything will be better. If you concentrate on what bothers you, everything you see will be reasons to get angry. If you can only see what you love, you can not stop feeling love for her. Do it to the point where you see nothing but love and you will undoubtedly know that you are the most fortunate man on earth to have that incredible woman as your wife.
5. It is not your job to change or cure it
Your only mission is to love her without having the expectation of changing her. And if she changes, she loves what she became, even if it is what you did not want.
6. Take all responsibility
You are responsible for your own emotions. It's not your wife's job to make you happy and she can not make you feel sad either. You are responsible for finding your happiness and that joy will enter into your relationship and your love.
7. Never blame her or get mad at her
Do not hold your wife responsible if you are frustrated or angry with her, it is something that is inside of you. They are your emotions and they are your obligation. When you feel this way, take some time to plant your feet in the present and be able to appreciate things and understand what is inside you that needs to be solved. You were attracted to that woman because she was the best person who fit you to heal your childhood wounds: when you heal yourself, you will never be upset with her again and wonder why you ever were.
8. Allow your wife to be who she really is
When you are sad or upset, it is not your job to fix it, your task is to hold it and let it know that everything will be fine. Let her know that you listen to her and that she is important to you and that you will be the pillar on which she will always be able to sustain herself. The spirit of women is constantly changing and your emotions will be like a storm that will sometimes let you in and others will take you out and while you stay strong and without judging her, she will trust you and open her soul to you: never run away, she You will feel sad. Stay by his side and be strong, let him know that you will not go anywhere. Listen to what she really hides behind her silences.
9. Be a bit silly
Do not take life so seriously. Laugh. And make her smile. That will make everything easier.
10. Feed your spirit every day
It allows you to learn the different languages of love and it makes clear how much you value it, how important it is to you and how much you love it. Ask her to make a list of the 10 things that make her feel loved and memorize each of them, make them your priority every day so you can make her feel like a queen.
11. Stay by your side
Do not give only your time, also give your attention and your soul.Do whatever it takes to clear your mind so that when you are with it, you do it completely. Treat her as if she were your most invaluable client. It is.
12. Do not be an idiot
Do not be afraid to be either. You will make mistakes like her. Try not to make them that big and learn the lesson from those you have committed. You're not supposed to be perfect, just try not to be stupid.
13. Accept your sexuality
Take her to know the power of your masculinity, to consume it and devour it with your strength, and to penetrate it to the deepest levels of your soul. Let her melt with that softness of women, as she wishes to do it.
14. Give your space
Women are so good at giving that they sometimes forget that it is natural to take time for themselves. Your wife will need to fly away from you to find what nourishes her spirit and if you give her that space, she will come back to you with new songs. Tell her to take time for herself, especially after having children. She needs a break to regenerate and refocus, to find herself after having lost herself trying to serve you, the children and the world.
15. Allow yourself to be vulnerable
You do not have to have everything solved. While you are willing to share your fears and feelings, and quickly understand what your mistakes were.
16. Be transparent
If you want her to trust you, you must be willing to share everything: especially the things you do not want. It takes courage to love completely, open your heart and let her in, even when you're not sure she'll like what you find there. An important part of that challenge is to allow her to love you completely, your darkness as much as your light. Drop the mask: if you feel you need to wear a mask near it and show yourself perfect all the time, you will never experience the true dimension of love that you can give.
17. Never stop growing together
Standing water creates malaria, the current flows and stays cool. When you stop moving your muscles, they atrophy, just like when you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work side by side.
18. Do not worry about money
Money is a game, find ways to get ahead together as a team willing to succeed. It never works when teams fight. Find a way to give yourself strength.
19. Forgive immediately
Focus on the future instead of carrying the weight of the past. Do not let your story imprison you. Thinking about the mistakes of the past that you or she committed, is like a heavy anchor for your marriage and will not let you move forward. Forgiveness is freedom. Cut the anchor and always choose love.
20. Always choose love, always
In the end, this is the only advice you need, it is the main guide through which all your decisions must be made: love is always the support.