Whether we are mothers, aunts or older sisters, women have always felt a very strong responsibility of motherhood and upbringing for the children of the house. And although we sometimes feel that we have lost the true teachings to raise and educate a child, we can recognize and identify that something is not going so well with the way we are educating our children.
According to research by Tim Elmore, research psychologist and best-selling author, he has identified the typical mistakes that parents make, and in many cases limit the success of their children.
1. Stop helping him in literally everything
When we do this, and we surround them with excessive care, we take away the possibility of seeking for themselves the way out of difficult situations. The best thing will be to question your ability to understand the problems that arise at the moment. For example: Son, can not you open the door? The doors are tall and have knobs; remember which side the knobs turn on is it on your right or on your left?
In most cases, a couple of minutes understanding the problem will help them a lot and then face the problems of their adulthood, they do not have the feeling that the problem be the responsibility of someone more than themselves.
2. Do not get excited before time
The so-called baby boomers were the children in the prime boom of the 80s were part of a school dynamic in which each child receives his trophy, which allowed all children to feel special however, modern psychological research claims that these methods could be causing unforeseen consequences on minors.
Assuming that Mom and Dad are the # 1 fans, the son will come to a time when he will find the measure of how to make his parents proud and at the same time to doubt the family's objectivity. At some point in his adult life, when he comes across the fact that he is not the best, as he was led to believe, he may be prone to defend lies and hide uncomfortable truths.
3. Do not replace a feeling of guilt for good behavior
Your child will have to face many tests of love and hate; Good and bad feelings, like all adults have them. The fact that he is now young and innocent does not mean that he must necessarily love you, his family or his friends all the time. Your children have the right to feel different moods during the day and that is not why they are spoiled children. Although this point is a bit more difficult to achieve in balance, a little space alone for your child during his day could be a factor of drastic change in his mood and behavior.
4. Help them overcome problems by not pampering them so much
Denying things when they can not, makes them fall into the reality in which they live, for example; son, what you want CAN NOT, so THIS is the adversity that you go through NOW, maybe in the FUTURE or in another situation you can ACHIEVE it.
Talking between the lines to your children will be something that will help them to self-motivate in much more loving and healthy ways, unlike the material stimuli to keep them happy, such as prizes without reason or to avoid a tantrum. Think that if the relationship with your child is based much more on material stimuli, they will not feel any internal motivation or unconditional love.
5. Tell him your mistakes when you were his age
Part of the relationship you have with your child is fueled by mutual trust, the assurance that he has that you know what you do, as well as the fact that you trust what he will do. Your son is young and believes that his mistakes are the first in the history of humanity, but some empathy with him will make him feel better; a little less judged if you are wrong and much more free to talk about those mistakes with you.
6. Do not confuse the intellect with maturity
There are two things that can never replace maturity: talent and IQ. A child who is a mathematical athlete will have a great capacity for reasoning about things he knows and understands, but when it comes to social problems, and not algebra, he may have more difficulty solving them. This is normal and very logical, because each brain works differently to certain teaching methods. To overestimate his intelligence and start treating him like an adult at an early age is very hard for them, because you have to be aware that he is still a minor who is also afraid of making mistakes.
7. Practice what is preached
If you do not act on the rules your children are learning, you are practically lying to them, and teaching them to lie to themselves. Perhaps they have never been judged or questioned aloud by the things you do and they are obviously illogical for them; but you may be thinking.Being a good example for them will help you a lot, because qualities of you and your way of life can recognize them in other models to follow that could be worthwhile in your life and your dreams.
8. Allow your children to take risks
Having your child under excessive care takes away much more security than you can give them. European psychologists discovered that if children do not play on the street, if they have never fallen and scraped their knees, they are much more likely to generate phobias during their adult life. Children must fall and learn to get up to heal wounds, just as a teenager must learn to cope with conflicts with his peers and live the first love to acquire emotional stability.
9. Fulfill everything you promise
This goes from a punishment to a prize. You can never find security in the things you do or do not do. If you promise a punishment that you will not fulfill, the only thing you will do is that he will never think you are strong with your actions. Just like the day that if you carry out a punishment, you will not know how to react to that brave act of yours to fulfill. As with a reward as a stimulus that motivates you to do things well, you will know that when you finish them you will fulfill your word. This is very important in adult life, when it comes to work and school, you have to teach them how and when to promise.
10. Do not use emotional blackmail or as a last resort
In the long run, it is something that could define the behavior of your children irreversibly. Besides being a totally unnecessary resource, when communication with your children is strong and clear, there should be no need for commentaries, you will kill me in disgust, or if you do not go to sleep the monsters will come out of the closet; for saying that you think it is a light blackmail that will not generate conflict in your son, but when you do that, you are basically teaching him to manipulate people based on lies and at the expense of his feelings.